Dot Dot Dot...

When Your Father Can't Figure Out When To Clean The Microwave...

2010-03-25T23:01:00.014-04:00

My response, Weird Al style, in the tune of a Carpenters song.

Needing a hobby? Very possible.

Something Wonderful Has Happened...

2009-06-15T11:32:00.006-04:00

Deep Thoughts...

2009-01-04T05:09:00.005-05:00

People with mirrors directly across from their toilets will probably never think about their appearance in more depth than they do when they're pooping.

Sleeping Is Giving In...

2008-12-25T06:25:00.016-05:00

Just finished wrapping gifts for the family. It's 7am. Awesome.

This is the first December in memory that I haven't spent fishing a cat out of our Christmas tree. It's because my family has a bad history with pets and ~~killed~~ lost the last one too recently to have replaced her in time. Over the years I've become increasingly angry with my father and my sister for being so horrible at keeping their pets alive; this year I'm just sad. As annoying as a destructive, untrained, unsupervised animal with claws can be, it's really hard to be mad at a cat in a Christmas tree.

[disclaimer: not my cat, found in this wonderful place]

The letter I wrote up for next year:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is for my family to stop inadvertently putting animals in mortal peril.

And now some more cats.

Niche Advertising...

2008-12-13T09:03:00.018-05:00

I recently realized that my high school gym outfit includes the only set of sweat pants I own. To remedy this, I made a trip over to google shopping this morning to grab some cheap sweats. While perusing their list of products I came across something that I thought was a bit odd.

Product description:

One way to let women know they can leave an abusive relationship is for them to see others who have left and survived. A worn but still working heart says "Domestic Violence Survivor."

Now, I may be wrong here, but I really doubt that Jane Domesticabusevictim is going to be spurned into action because some chick at the gym is advertising her own past abuse. If someone I loved was beating the ever-living hell out of me and that alone wasn't enough to make me ditch them, I'm thinking that a hoodie wouldn't quite do the trick.

Anyway, I started snooping around the T-Shirts and Gifts For Strong Women site and found a couple other gems. The Message To Abusers large wall clock and Domestic Violence Sisters yard sign are real winners.

... Apparently the thing that unites women everywhere is domestic violence and you should let everyone that walks past your house know it! I particularly enjoy the lit stick of dynamite on the clock. Adds a little pizazz.

Oh, because I know you were worried, items are available for your pets.

Things I Learned In College...

2008-11-18T00:26:00.002-05:00

Rats and horses can't vomit. Who knew?

Shut Down All The Trash Compactors On The Detention Level...

2008-11-16T23:46:00.013-05:00

I actually purchased, with real American currency, a CD this weekend. I was in Barnes & Noble and I picked up the Zack and Miri Make a Porno Soundtrack.

I looked at the back and instantly laid down the $16.99 plus tax. This was almost exclusively because I aim to support anyone who will attach Fett's Vette to their business endeavors in any fashion.

I haven't seen the movie yet but I'm fairly certain that I am now obligated.

What Year Is It?

2008-10-13T06:51:00.012-04:00

I didn't think anything could take up more of my time and attention than google reader. I thought wrong. I recently subscribed to netflix and... things may have gotten a little out of hand.

On the first day I inadvertently discovered that the maximum number of movies that can stay in your queue at a time is 500. I think I've just about made it my mission to see everything... ever. By my calculations I have spent about 15% of my waking time over the past few months with my new love.

I think may have a problem.

Bicycles Everywhere!

2008-05-18T01:59:00.010-04:00

Philadelphia is copying off D.C.'s paper! They're gonna do the bike sharing thing too.

I vehemently support anything that leads to me seeing lots of fun bicycles everywhere. I also vehemently support anything that gets Pennsylvania drivers off the road. They suck and Natalie Dee and some Penn State student publication agree with me. Naa!

Misadventures in Bicycling...

2008-04-30T00:31:00.007-04:00

//For future reference, whenever you see a sentence in this blog that starts with, "it's time for..." please add a cheesy announcer voice to your internal dialogue

It's time for... Misadventures in Bicycling!!

In D.C. this month rich hippies are just pissing themselves with anticipation. Their wildest dreams are coming true; Washington D.C. is preparing to get a little more European. Next month they're looking to start SmartBike D.C.; essentially a bike rental service complete with enviropower and, more importantly, a hint of good ol' European sass. You can redeem environmentalist guilt for a bicycle at SmartBike and drop it off anytime within the next three hours at your choice of their 10 convenient locations.

Though this could fail horribly for many reasons, if it survives the initial bout of theft it could be moderately sweet. I have to say I'm pretty excited. If anyone else actually even remotely cares, please feel free to discuss it with me immediately... immediately... I heart bicycles!

P.S. If everyone would go out and buy their ridiculous, brightly colored, skintight biking outfit now it'd probably save us all from a long line later.

Spot The Fake Smile...

2008-04-27T12:11:00.009-04:00

While I was running through Cognitive Daily's recent rss posts I found out they're running a pretty sweet little test called Spot The Fake Smile at BBC.co.uk.

On the first run I got 19 out of 20 correct, but that's because I knew the trick going in. The secret is to look for a little extra scrunching around the eyes, that usually means you're getting a real smile. Once you take the test they go over all the tells in detail, but as long as you pay attention to the eyes you should get at least 15/20.

I challenge you to match my superior skyllz!

Vote For Me...

2008-03-26T21:41:00.007-04:00

Peace.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others...

2008-03-10T19:21:00.003-04:00

I was perusing the vast internet the other day (mostly shopping for sweet aviator sunglasses and equally sweet speakers) when I stumbled across something a little odd.

WTOPnews.com posted a selected list of legislation passed and failed by the 2008 Virginia General Assembly. It was a fairly interesting read... until about the middle of page 2 when it became one of the better things I've seen all week. For those that don't want to read that entire list I'll post a picture below and leave you to draw your own conclusions about how Virginia politicians spend their time.

(The one underneath it is pretty hilarious too. I didn't even notice it until just now. What a state!)

My Hero...

2007-11-21T15:58:00.002-05:00

Hearing on Establishing Consistent Enforcement Policies in the Context of Online Wagers
Wednesday 11/14/2007 - 10:00 AM

More

I want to be Annie Duke when I grow up.

Aqua Dots + Me = GHB!

2007-11-08T11:04:00.001-05:00

In recent news, watch out for date rape drugs in your children's toys. At least according to the best article ever to grace AOL's news page. Turns out the makers of Aqua Dots forgot to check up on whether or not their dots turn into GHB when ingested. Oops.
The article also contains the following video which includes Meg White touching little girls and Australians talking:

Bindeez products 'life-threatening'
(click picture above to view video)

Juno...

2007-11-05T14:24:00.005-05:00

This...

... I will see instantly.

I don't remember selling my soul for the opportunity to view a production with such an all-star cast, but I'm sure it must have happened quite recently. I was probably making friends with a toilet at Virgina Tech.

I am posting the following to view later when I am bored at work stuffing envelopes.

Shakira...

2007-11-02T15:47:00.000-04:00

Doesn't anybody out there understand that Shakira is weird? Like, really weird. It's a little disturbing.

William Carlos Williams

2007-11-01T14:48:00.001-04:00

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

Are you kidding me? There are so many things about this man that are utterly ridiculous, starting with his name, why add to them? Jeez, I can't really remember but I think he had a kid and named his damn kid William Williams too. Ugh, this guy won a Pulitzer Prize? Seriously?

I need a drink.